Title: All Will Be Forgiven
Characters/Pairings: Marlene McKinnon/Severus Snape
Warnings: Mentions to violence, angst, non-graphic sex.
When: MWPP Era
Summary: Marlene is able to forgive a lot of things, but is Severus worthy of redemption?
Disclaimer: Jo owns. I play. Songs are from Spring Awakening, I don’t own those either. Duncan Sheik does.
Author's Note: This was posted for week #05 of hp_smutday with the prompt ‘I’m gonna bruise you’. It was started months ago, but the prompt made me finally finish it. I should also credit tangograce with some of this since it’s based on her Severus. Also, this is songfic, I guess, but the lyrics are internal thoughts, not really songs.
Marlene had to be at the Ministry in a few hours, but sleep was escaping her. She'd stayed awake for hours, staring at the ceiling, the wall, her dresser, anything. While her body craved the sweet peace of sleep, her mind feared the images that it would see whilst she slept. There was only so much dreamless sleep potion that one could take without becoming addicted to its properties and affects. Her mind was constantly spinning, for it had been a week since Dumbledore had vouched for Severus. He had turned a new leaf. For her, for Lily, for reasons that she didn't care about. Because she could not forgive him for what he'd done, could she?
No, he'd been on the other side, she'd lost their child, there was too much to forgive, but that small thing in her that always pulled her towards him could not be extinguished. That small flame of love for him.
Haven’t you heard the word of my wanting?
O, I’m gonna be wounded
O, I’m gonna be your wound
O, I’m gonna bruise you
O, you’re gonna be my bruise
She tossed again, her pillow finding the place where he used to lay and for the first time in a long time, she considered what it would be like to not live with the constant pain of being without him. She missed him, was her pride so great that she could not allow the only person she had ever loved the one fundamental gift that they all wanted, forgiveness? Or more importantly, love?
Haven’t you heard the word – how I want you?
Acceptance. She knew sleep would not come to her. Sitting up, she looked around, trying to find some reason for being. Some excuse justifying consciousness at this hour.
But there’s nowhere to hide from these bones, from my mind
I’m at home with a ghost, who got left in the cold
Who knocks at my peace, with no keys to my soul
A knock? At this hour?
A small part of her knew, but she couldn't, not until she was sure, without a doubt.
And there’s no one who knows, and there’s nowhere to go
There’s no one to see who can see to my soul
"Severus?" She whispered, not knowing why it was a question, as if it would be anyone else.
The sight of him hurt. He looked beyond pathetic and for the first time she knew that he'd felt the same amount of pain that she had. Not the same degree, but it was there.
What had Dumbledore said? Forgiveness would free her soul? Some bullshit that he was always spewing, she was sure, and now she wished that she'd listened.
Those you’ve pained
May carry that still with them
All the same
They whisper: “All forgiven.”
“Please.” Those were the only words he could think to say. Not ‘sorry’ or ‘I love you’. He was pleading and that hurt more than anything. Severus Snape wasn’t a man known for begging.
Her cheeks were wet. When had she started crying? She had no idea, something in her wasn't working, and everything seemed as if she was dreaming. Was she? Perhaps. Perhaps not. But as if pulled by some dream, a lack of control, Marlene found herself with her lips on his and she knew; all was forgiven.
Through all of her anger and stubborn pride, she'd forgotten how much she loved kissing him and how much she'd missed it. After a few weeks, her life had no longer become about hating him or missing him, but about their child and that had consumed her, made nothing else matter, but now she was gone and he was all that she had left of her. Nothing could ever fix the pain that Marlene walked around with everyday, but perhaps, with Severus, she could have someone who understood, because he hadn't been the only one at fault. Yes, she'd had her reasons, but she'd lied to him as well. She'd kept his child from him and because of that; she was just like him, not as bad, but not without sin.
Still, I know
To trust my own true mind
And to say: there's a way through this
There were more tears, she could taste them.
Without breaking contact, she used what little force her tiny frame held and pulled him into their flat, because it had always been theirs, even if he'd been banished. Slamming the door, she didn't care if their neighbors awoke. Better for them to hear the slamming of a door than to come out of their doors to find a show.
"I missed you so much," she whispered, breaking their kiss. She needed air, not that seeing him in a wife beater with that messy hair did much to help with that. Even when he looked completely horrid he could stop her heart.
Bastard had always had a way of affecting her in bad, bad ways.
He pulled her close, kissing her forehead. “I’ve missed you so much. It’s like I can’t breathe without you.”
His voice was cracking, he’d been crying before coming here.
Flip on a switch, and everything’s fine –
No more lips, no more tongue, no more ears, no more eyes
Marlene closed her eyes, biting her lower lip, tasting the salt from her tears. There were so many things that they needed to discuss, but Marlene wasn’t up for it. All she ever did was talk, yell, argue, fight, and she just didn’t have the energy in her anymore. What did want was to feel something besides the cold, petrifying anguish that she felt every day that this war had raged.
“Make love to me?”
Something’s started crazy –
Sweet and unknown
Something you keep
In a box on the street –
Now it’s longing for a home
Severus didn’t even have to answer; his mouth was on hers again, hungry, like a caged animal being released from its prison. Clothes came off, hands touched, and it wasn’t long before she remembered exactly why she always forgave him, no matter what his offense.
Where I go when I go there,
no more weeping anymore.
Only in and out your lips;
the broken wishes, washing with them, to shore.
Touch me-all silent.
Tell me-please-all is forgiven.
Consume my wine.
Consume my mind.
I'll tell you how, how the winds sigh...
She wasn’t sure how they found the bed, perhaps he’d carried her? Or they had floated. It didn’t matter, once her head hit the pillow he was inside of her. This was how all of their problems had started, but she couldn’t deny that the feeling of him made it all worthwhile.
Everything about the way Severus made love was perfection. He knew how to make it passionate and interesting, but still pour love into every thrust, no matter how kinky the situation was. As it stood, this was one of those times when it wasn’t about getting off; it was about being intimate and bonding.
The getting off part was a bonus.
And now our bodies are the guilty ones
And color the hours
His fingers traced over her breasts and she stared up at the ceiling, willing tomorrow not to come. This was all she needed, this moment of perfection. Time would just ruin it all.
Time would bring back all of the pain and she just wanted to feel peace for once in her life.
She turned and kissed him again, determined to make this last for as long as possible.
Night won’t breathe
Oh how we
Fall in silence from the sky
Then whisper some silver reply