Warnings: Emmett’s mouth.
When: Before Twilight.
Summary: Emmett wants to get Edward a girl already, Jasper thinks it will never happen, but
Disclaimer: SMeyer owns all characters.
Author's Note: This is for agathons_fan , I’m sorry your real twilight_santa didn’t come through, but I hope my gifts please you.
“Can’t we just pay for a hooker to come over here? I mean, his depression is making me depressed bro, which just pisses me off, that he’s making me depressed. If he doesn’t get laid soon, I may kill him.”
Jasper shot Emmett a look. “Do you honestly think that our little virtuous Edward would sleep with a prostitute? He’s too damn noble for that, not to mention too ‘tortured’ to allow himself the pleasure. Besides, even if it worked, he’d probably talk her ear off the whole time and depress her into committing suicide.”
Jasper, while not having been around as long as the others, knew full well that Edward would never let himself find love, let alone enjoy the physical pleasures in life.
He couldn’t full grasp Edward’s guilt, it wasn’t as if any of them had chosen this life. Well, Jasper had, in a way, but he’d made his amends for his choice, and while it was difficult, he lived with himself and was able to enjoy love, life, and happiness. Edward really was just depressing.
Emmett chuckled. “You’re right, bro; he would drive the poor girl to suicide. What the hell are we going to do then? I can’t take much more of this.”
The sound of some emo, rock band flittered down into the main room, coming from Edward’s room.
Emmett groaned. “You see what I mean? He needs to jerk off at least, let it out for air! Something!”
Jasper gave her a look, knowing what that face meant; she’d had a vision, a good one from the looks of it.
“Now, if I tell the two of you, you must not let Edward hear it in your thoughts. Start thinking about sex, you know how that annoys him.”
Jasper reached out for her hand and she took it, moving close to his side, looking up at him happily. “Don’t worry; I could do that all day.” Jasper gave her a small wink, deciding on what he wanted to do to her later, making her furrow her brow for a moment before smiling again.
“Spit it out,
“Don’t worry, Emmett, Edward won’t be unhappy for much longer. Soon, very soon, he’s going to find someone, just like the rest of us. She’s coming to Forks in three days… who wants to take a bet on how long it takes him to get over himself?”
Emmett laughed. “Are you sure? Maybe your brain’s broken.”
Jasper ignored Emmett and just laughed. “Three days? I’d take your bet, but I already know I’ll lose. Emmett, care to take a wager?"
Emmett scoffed. “Hell no, if she’s sure, I’m not betting against her.”
“Good, we’re all agreed. And remember, sex on the mind, all the time, it’s the only way to keep him out of your head.”
A moment late, they all heard Edward yelling about people keeping their thoughts to themselves. Jasper gave